


All In the Family

by UP2L8



Series: Sex Shop AU [18]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 14:50:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20876018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UP2L8/pseuds/UP2L8
Summary: Edward had never met the woman who walked into the store just before closing. Nevertheless, he knew who she was immediately, and not just because he’d seen her photograph.





	All In the Family

**Author's Note:**

> Something short (hahaha), to celebrate the day. Happy October 3rd!

It had been a slow night at Pothos, which was fine.

Edward was working alone as a favor to Jad Sahib, who needed someone to cover for Berta, and Samantha, who had booked off because her youngest daughter wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t mind. As weird as the evening shift at a sex toy shop could be, it was a familiar sort of weird, and Ed had kind of missed it. He hadn’t taken many shifts since he got back into the university saddle, and felt an odd but comfortable sense of nostalgia to be here. 

He was also in an exceptionally good mood due to some great news. 

Al had got the results from his chimerism test that day. Chimerism testing, or engraftment analysis, was performed on patients who had received a hematopoietic stem cell transplant to assess the effectiveness of the procedure. The test involved identifying the genetic profiles of both the recipient and donor, and then evaluating the extent of the blend in the recipient’s blood and bone marrow. Anything over 95% was considered acceptable, and Al’s test indicated that he was at 97.2%. Genetically, he was now, officially, a ‘human chimera’, part Al, part Ed. And how weird was that? 

They still had to keep an eye out for graft-versus-host disease between Al’s weekly clinic visits, but his energy levels were generally improving, and his hair was starting to growing back. The stiff, wiry chemo curls were nothing like his usually soft, pin-straight locks, and frustratingly hard to manage, but the doctors had said that it would go back to normal after a few months, and what the hell. It was only hair. Ed had hazarded the observation that Al currently looked like a sprouting Chia Pet. Al had not been amused. 

That was why Ed was humming tunelessly with a big smile, thinking about Chia Pet Al’s comical reaction, when the door opened at a quarter to closing. 

Edward had never met the dark-haired woman who walked in to look curiously around. Nevertheless, he knew who she was immediately, and not just because he’d seen her photograph. 

Her frame was heavy set and stocky, her face beefy and heavy-jawed. She was wearing a brown trench coat over a dark maroon, low cut evening dress that seemed to suit her not at all. From the string of pearls dipping into her cleavage to the collection of gaudy rhinestones clustered on her wrists and fingers, her presentation was a case study in all things unappealing. Based on appearance alone, the woman didn’t look like anyone you had to worry about. 

But her eyes told a different story. So deeply blue they appeared black, they glittered with calculating intelligence. 

Ed knew those eyes. Intimately. 

“Hello, Ms. Mustang,” Ed said. “I’m Ed." 

Roy’s aunt sashayed up to the counter with a familiar smirk. “I know. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

She held out a hand. Ed took it. She had a strong grip. 

Ed didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t heard much about this woman from her nephew. Roy had mentioned her casually a few times, but that was about it. Ed had heard through the grapevine that she was a successful businesswoman who owned and operated an exclusive nightclub in the entertainment district. He had also heard from entirely different sources that her club offered special amenities to its members that were best not discussed in polite company. Judging from the variety of merchandise she bought from Pothos – including condoms and dental dams by the case – those rumors were probably true. 

Ed wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“I believe Jad has an order ready for me,” the woman said. 

“Sure thing,” Ed responded, heading for the back room to fetch it. He returned with two sealed cardboard boxes and a plastic shopping bag. “They’re kind of heavy. Can I take them out to your car for you?” 

“That would be nice. In a minute. I think I’m going to need a couple more things.” Ms. Mustang leaned an arm on the counter and gave Ed a slow once over, then raised an eyebrow. 

Ed eased onto his stool and buckled in for the ride. He really should have seen this coming. 

Ms. Mustang didn’t keep him in suspense. “Roy calls me his aunt, but that doesn’t accurately describe our relationship,” she explained. “His parents were killed in a car accident when he was a toddler. I raised him.” 

“Sorry for your loss.” Was that still an appropriate response to a long-ago tragedy? Ed wasn’t sure. “So you’re actually Roy’s mom.” 

“Sure am, Eddie-Boy.” 

Ed cringed internally at the nickname. “Please call me Ed.” 

The woman had more to reveal. “I guess you’ve heard rumors about the kind of businesswoman I am.” Her lazy smile widened at Ed’s nod. “They’re all true. Just so you know.” 

“Thanks. I’ll keep that to myself,” Ed told her, wondering just where this trippy exchange was going to end up. 

“Hmm.” Ms. Mustang cast a curious gaze around the shop before locking back on Ed. “Now, I need your expert opinion. What would you recommend to a retired working girl for those lonely nights in the brothel?” The smirk was back, gauging his reaction. 

Not that Ed was going to be thrown off by his lover’s de facto _mom_ asking for his advice regarding her sexual gratification. He was a professional. “That depends on what you enjoy. Do you like it big? Realistic? Is clitoral stimulation important? Or do you want it all? And of course there’s the price range to consider.” Ed stepped out from behind the counter to lead her to the vibrator display. 

The Madam followed, smirk ramping up a notch. “Money is no object, medium size preferred, and stimulation is definitely important,” she advised. “A stimulated Mustang is a happy Mustang, as you’ve probably already discovered.” A pause. “And from where I’m standing, I’m sure Roy-Boy is plenty stimulated.” 

Ed made a conscious effort to ignore the fact that she was obviously checking out his ass, but in terms of bizarre situations, this was definitely in his top ten. Regardless, he picked up the Lelo Soraya from the display. “This particular rabbit vibrator is very popular. It combines external with internal stimulation, vibrating on the inside against the sensitive front wall of the vagina, while the clitoral arm stimulates on the outside. You’ll have to decide if the size is right for you.” 

Ms. Mustang took the chrome accented vibrator and examined it with a critical eye. “It looks nice, too. Not that you’d see it, where it’s going.” 

“I’m desperately trying to picture it going into a drawer in your nightstand,” Ed confessed. 

Mustang laughed, loud and hearty. “I like you, Eddie-Boy,” she said with a wide, almost surprised but genuine smile. “And I’ll take this,” she decided, handing him back the Lelo. “And one each of those, too,” she added, pointing out the Oh-Moji Heart Eyes Mini Wand and the Tokidoki Unicorn Wand. “Two of my girls have birthdays coming up. Put them on my tab.” 

“No problem,” Ed noted. He placed the demo back on the display and unlocked the cabinet to pull out the packaged products. “I just need to test these to make sure they’re working. Standard procedure. The store has a ‘no return, no exchange’ policy.” 

“Because eww,” the Madam said as she followed Ed back to the counter. “You’re pretty young for a job like this, and you know your shit,” she commented. “Most kids your age would be uncomfortable just walking in the door. How’d you end up working here?” 

“I used to come in with my ex. He was a regular customer,” Ed said. He even managed to keep the contempt out of his tone. “I had gotten to know the staff, and when I was looking for a job with flexible hours, I saw a help wanted sign on the door and applied. I had a lot of experience with the products.” 

Ms. Mustang’s gaze was deceptively lazy. “You were underage when you started coming in here.” 

Not a question. “My ex wasn’t.” 

“I know.” 

Ed wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he didn’t. Instead he pulled open a drawer and rummaged around for the universal charger. 

Ms. Mustang leaned an arm on the counter, watching Ed so closely that he stopped what he was doing and looked up, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’ve been in the business for a long time, working my way up,” she said quietly. “It’s the environment Roy-Boy grew up in. He was never for sale, but I never sugar-coated or hid the truth from him either. Forewarned is forearmed, and the world is a dangerous place. I wanted him warned and armed to the best of my ability.” 

“Wish I had been,” Ed said wryly, honesty returned in kind. 

“I know.” 

Ed was beginning to realize that Roy’s aunt knew a lot of things. 

“Young people often fall victim to the lure of maturity,” she continued. “They want to grow up fast, not realizing what they are giving up in the process. Sometimes they put their trust in the wrong people, and find themselves isolated, vulnerable, and used in the worst ways.” 

She had Ed’s full attention now. 

“Life is too short to sit by and watch shit like that happen,” the Madam continued. “So I don’t. I step in to pick up the pieces when I can. Try to put the broken ones back together. Give them a safe place to live, and a safer place to work, so they can concentrate on climbing out of the nightmare their lives have become. Sometimes there’s nothing I can do, but I don’t stop trying. And it’s hard to make a difference when there are so many monsters hiding in the shadows, doing more harm.” 

That was the absolute truth in Ed’s experience, too. 

The spectrum of personality was more multidimensional than linear, people a blend of soft and hard, selfish and selfless, prickly and vulnerable, kindly and malicious. Most were exactly who they seemed to be. And some appeared to be soft and comfortable and caring, but were full of broken glass and barbed wire. 

Ed had run afoul of the latter, and had been almost too late to realize that human beings would always be their own most dangerous natural predator. 

But there were also genuinely good people out there, sometimes found in the most unlikely of places. Ed believed he was currently looking at one. And now Ed understood how an idealist like Roy could have grown from the kind of environment in which he had been raised. Sometimes it all came down to the right role model.

“I get the impression,” the Madam cut into Ed’s musings, “That you know exactly what I’m talking about. From personal experience, unfortunately.” 

“I do,” Ed admitted. 

“And that’s why, when my boy told me what happened at the IFF gala, and we saw the way things were going, I got involved.” 

Ed frowned. Was she talking about the situation with old man Raven? 

The city counsellor who had attacked him had been furiously defending himself since the story of his attempted assault hit the news, doing his best to spin Ed as the instigator despite witnesses’ statements and video evidence. His narrative painted Ed as a gold-digging opportunist playing an elaborate con game, the unsuspecting city counsellor his innocent victim - and never mind that the only game Ed might be inclined to play with the old bastard was Hide and Go Fuck Yourself. 

The piece of shit had even tried to call Ed’s character into question by bringing up his job at Pothos. The prosecutors had countered that, first pointing out that working retail wasn’t a crime despite the titillating nature of the merchandise, going on to claim that Ed had been forced to put his academic pursuits on hold and take any job he could to be there for his gravely ill brother - which was the truth - and finally citing his achievements as an acclaimed child prodigy. 

Ed had taken it in stride. He’d been through it all before, and it sucked, but that was the way the ‘justice’ system worked. He still counted it a shame that victims and potential victims of sexual assault always ended up having to endure further assaults on their dignity and integrity in the name of a fair trial for their attackers. 

It had gone too far, however, when one of the detectives in charge of Ed’s case had called to let him know that there was pressure from Raven’s attorney to unseal the records outlining the incident in his freshman year. Not that it would have helped them, but it had looked like Raven’s legal team was hoping to dig up dirt for a smear campaign with Ed as the target to excuse the inappropriate behaviour of their shit stain client. 

Until, mysteriously, Raven’s browser history had been shared anonymously on social media. His tumblr, reddit, and pornhub accounts were doxed, highlighting his fondness for explicit videos of disturbingly young girls and boys. His personal and professional financial records were leaked to the media, revealing some very creative accounting therein. And screenshots of multiple texts to a few notorious characters requesting very specific ‘help’ with ‘those fucking witnesses’ were emailed, again anonymously, to the District Attorney’s office. 

The councillor had changed his plea to ‘guilty’ the same day. He would be sentenced next month. Ed didn’t hold out much hope for anything beyond probation for the asshole, but the protective order would stay in effect for the next two years, and the leaked records would probably result in an investigation or two. It wasn’t likely that Raven would be able to keep his council seat either, with so many of his colleagues, including Mayor Armstrong, calling loudly for his resignation. 

Ms. Mustang’s smile was predatory. “My girls know how to be discrete. They would never out our clients or what they enjoy behind closed doors; that would only jeopardize our establishment. But we are very good at gathering information, and know the most effective ways to use it. We generally get away with it, not because we are above suspicion, but because we are below it. So a powerful man, such as a city councillor, would never suspect that some dumb, teenage whore could be capable of backing up his text messages to a throwaway Google account in the time it would take him to go for a piss.” 

Ed had wondered where those screenshots had come from. Granny and Winry had been responsible for everything but. 

Her gaze was laser sharp when the Madam continued. “You’re important to my Roy-Boy, and that makes you important to me and my girls. But we would have done what we could anyway, because it needed doing. Although,” she quirked a small grin, “it seems you have more backup than most.” 

True, but Ed wasn’t going to dismiss the Madam’s contribution. Besides, apart from the fact that she was Roy’s closest relative, getting on her bad side sounded like a spectacularly bad idea. 

And Ed liked her. She was probably the only person he had ever met who was just as blunt as he was. 

“Thanks for the help,” Ed said, sincerely. “Assholes are a pain when courts get involved. Rich assholes are even worse.” 

Ms. Mustang shrugged. “There are depths of stupidity even money can’t remedy, and sometimes we get lucky and the trash takes itself out,” she said. “Regardless, the girls are dying to meet you.” 

That wasn’t as scary a thought as it should be, Ed supposed. “I appreciate the history lesson too,” he said. He still wasn’t sure why she’d shared what she had, but whatever. 

The Madam waved it off. “I thought you would. I also wanted to meet you. And I wanted you to meet me. We’re family now, Eddie-Boy." 

Jeez, that nickname. “Just Ed would be fine,” he said hopefully.

“I know.” The Madam’s eyes twinkled. Twinkling eyes should not look so diabolical. 

Ed sighed and turned himself back to the matter at hand – function checking the dildos. He grabbed the universal charger, opened up the Lilo box, and a giant fucking millipede scrambled out across his knuckles. How it had gotten in there Ed had no idea. It had to be the same one from the flood, because Ed refused to believe that there could be more than one of those monsters lurking around the store. Using Ed’s arm as an escape ramp, the horrific bug rushed down it to the counter. 

And made a bee line for the Madam. 

No slow-motion sequence this time. Ed snatched up the first thing that came to hand – a discount pocket pussy – and pegged it at the scrabbling insect. It connected, knocking the creature off the counter and away from Ms. Mustang. Leaning over to see where it had gone, Ed noted that the millipede was uninjured but for a small dent spanning three of its many, many segments. It disappeared under the lube rack. 

That bug was one tough son of a bitch. 

And it wasn’t the only one. Ms. Mustang hadn’t flinched, and her smirk hadn’t faltered. She picked up the box and peered inside, then placed it back on the counter. 

“Nice reflexes, Eddie-Boy,” she drawled. “I’d like a new package, please and thank you. Who knows what that thing was up to in there.”

Ed didn't even want to think about it. And it looked like he was going to have to get used to the damn nickname.

**Author's Note:**

> Next one started. 😊


End file.
